Friday December 15, 2006
Alternative Yuletide music
By CHUA CHERN TOONG
With the Yuletide season just around the corner, it’s time to dust off those antiquated, predictable recordings of White Christmas, Deck the Halls, Let It Snow and other seasonal favourites by the usual suspects like Perry Como, Bing Crosby and Mario Lanza. Or is it?
Perhaps this year, it’s time for a different sort of Christmas music. With a virtual plethora of so-called “alternative” Yuletide tunes out there yet to be discovered by the average seasonal devotee who probably thinks that the sappy Mistletoe and Wine is about as far as the phrase “alternative Christmas song” gets, perhaps it’s time to show some long overdue appreciation for these decidedly unconventional Christmas tunes.
So, in conjunction with Christmas 2006, here are 10 solid, representative examples of unorthodox Yuletide melodies. Be warned though, listening to some of these tunes requires a certain degree of listener discretion, due to their rather, shall we say, offbeat, nature.
FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK (The Pogues and Kirsty MacColl, 1987)
The ultimate alternative Christmas tune, this fabulous, eminently radio-friendly ballad is done as a touching duet by Irish folk-punk upstarts The Pogues and late singer-songwriter Kirsty MacColl. However, its pretty folk-ballad veneer masks nasty, astringent lyrics that tell the tale of two recent immigrants to the titular city, alternatively reminiscing tenderly and squabbling heatedly on a bitterly cold Christmas Eve. With words like “It was Christmas Eve babe, in the drunk tank, an old man said to me, won’t see another one” and “You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, Happy Christmas your a*se, I pray to God it’s our last”, this is definitely not one to play in front of proper churchgoing folk, self-appointed moral custodians and recovering alcoholics.
WINTER WONDERLAND (Cocteau Twins, 1993)
Reportedly, the veteran dream-pop collective wanted to interpret a firmly secularly-natured tune for a Christmas record, and so guitarist Robin Guthrie decided on this popular standard. Together with a similarly ethereally blissful version of Frosty the Snowman, the Cocteau Twins’ rendition of Winter Wonderland forms one-half of the band’s Snow EP from 1993. The Cocteaus’ version is relaxed, delicate, frills-free and refreshingly shorn of the usual counterfeit dramatics that have become the trademark of cookie-cutter Christmas numbers.
THE NIGHT SANTA WENT CRAZY (Weird Al Yankovic, 1996)
A typically zany Weird Al composition that takes in an overworked, drunken and going-postal Santa, disgruntled worker elves, blown-up and mutilated reindeer corpses and scenes of unspeakable carnage. The chorus succinctly summarises the entire spirit of the song: “The night Santa went crazy, the night St. Nick went insane, realised he’d been getting a raw deal, something finally must have snapped in his brain.” There is even an Extra Gory Version available with, well, even gorier lyrics.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY TWO FRONT TEETH (Spike Jones and The City Slickers, 1948)
This whimsical standard was written by teacher Donald Gardner, after noticing that almost all the students he was teaching at a public school in New York had at least a front tooth missing. Popular satiric singer Spike Jones (who specialises in novelty numbers like this) and his band recorded a hit version during Christmas 1948 that went to the top of the charts.
GRANDMA GOT RUN OVER BY A REINDEER (Elmo and Patsy, 1983)
This comedy cult classic recounts the unforgettable incident when the drunk grandmother of the family got killed in a hit-and-run propagated by a busy Santa. It was later made into an animated feature for television in 2000, but reportedly, it didn’t actually live up to the hilarity of the original lyrics.
CHRISTMAS IN FEBRUARY (Lou Reed, 1989)
Punk godfather Lou Reed put out this vicious, war-themed Yuletide number in 1989 that sombrely chronicles the experiences of US soldiers in the Vietnam War. With hard-hitting lyrics like “Sam lost his arm in some border town, his fingers are mixed with someone’s crop” and “Those gooks were fierce and fearless, that’s the price you pay when you invade”, this is most definitely not at the top of any chorister’s list of Christmas carols.
HAPPY XMAS (WAR IS OVER) (John Lennon, 1971)
Originally a trenchant anti-war protest song with typical Wall of Sound production by the legendary Phil Spector, this Lennon classic has metamorphosed into a certified Christmas standard, and was even covered by ghastly commercial diva Celine Dion on a 1998 album. The words are derived from the text of a 1969 anti-Vietnam War campaign by Lennon and wife Yoko Ono, who had put out billboard advertisements in various cities proclaiming that “War Is Over! (If You Want It). Happy Christmas from John and Yoko”. One of the most recognisable Christmas songs written during the rock era.
25TH DECEMBER (Everything But the Girl, 1994)
A disconsolate, discomfiting number that casts a critical eye on intra-family turmoil, mopey bedsit duo Everything But the Girl’s 25th December is an atypical Christmas song that chronicles the uncertainties and anxieties of homecomings and family get-togethers during the Yuletide season. The telling line “Have I enough time, have I just some time, to revisit, to go back, to return, to open my mouth again, and say something different this time” speaks volumes about the apprehensive prospects of meeting estranged family members again.
CHRISTMAS (The Who, 1969)
This is the seventh song in The Who’s ambitious Tommy rock opera, and talks of how Tommy’s father is having his usual, annual doubts about Tommy’s appreciation of the meaning of Christmas, and the deaf, dumb and blind protagonist’s immediate future. “And Tommy doesn’t know what day it is, doesn’t know who Jesus was or what praying is, how can he be saved from the eternal grave?” goes the chorus, and that neatly sums up Tommy’s condition on Christmas morning.
7 O’CLOCK NEWS/SILENT NIGHT (Simon and Garfunkel, 1966)
A chilling (in every sense of the word) medley that juxtaposes a straightforward reading of the traditional hymn with snippets of TV broadcast news that tell of civil strife, the intensification of the Vietnam War, and other appalling and ominous events. This makes for a wholly dramatic and utterly proficient musical collage that hits hard at apathetic consciences that shut down during the festive season. Simon and Garfunkel’s perfectly compassionate yet coldly precise rendition of Silent Night lends an especially effective eerie aura to the proceedings.
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